That Darn Imposter Syndrome
Some of my best self-reflecting is done on the run.
Today on my run, I was trying to figure out why, after years and years of being a school leader, I feel a bit apprehensive about letting people know that I’m doing consulting work. I’ll tell you one thing, self-consciousness is not a good marketing strategy. I think part of it is that I didn’t do my job perfectly. I often did it well and always with lots of love, but I didn’t always get it right. It wasn’t perfectly smooth. How can I pitch a product, in this case me, when it’s not perfect? It’s a knock-off, an imposter.
Many people have experienced imposter syndrome. This is the idea that we aren’t nearly as competent and intelligent as people perceive us to be and at any moment the curtain will be lifted and they’ll see who we really are. I believe in strengths-based leadership and growth, yet here I am, in my head, focusing on how I’m “less than.” Relatable?
The other day on the phone I said something about imposter syndrome to my friend, Sara. Sara told me to thank that little voice that is telling me I’m not good enough, because it must have helped me in some way at some point, maybe that was to push myself differently or clarify a goal. Now, it’s not helpful. It’s time to let it go. Kick it to the curb. See you later, alligator.
Reality says that I am a subject matter expert. When I partner with a school community, I’m ready to share what I know, research what I don’t, and put my own past mistakes on the table, so we can learn from them together.
I can’t promise that little voice is gone forever, but for today I have sent it on its way. And that feels good!
Chances are many of you have encountered imposter syndrome, too. Here are some tips that can help us counter that feeling and grow our toolbox for the next time:
Challenge the critic
Why are you criticizing yourself? What proof do you have that you aren’t good enough? Probably not much at all. So stop!
Rely on objective evidence to evaluate yourself and to reflect on your abilities. How many times have you gotten it right? A lot. I know it. Acknowledge it.
Are your expectations for yourself realistic? Maybe it’s time to recalibrate them. It’s not lowering the bar, it’s giving yourself some much needed self-care.
Friend, you’re not the only person on planet Earth who makes mistakes, loses their words mid-presentation, wishes they said just the right thing in that parent meeting. That doesn’t make you an imposter. It makes you human.
Accept and internalize acknowledgments
Next time someone tells you that you are doing a good job, listen. Maybe even ask them what specifically they appreciated. Yes, gather more external evidence to contradict that silly little voice who says you don’t know what you’re doing.
Accept constructive feedback, too. It’ll help you grow.
I know this sounds a little contrary, but when we actually accept constructive feedback we know where to improve. Instead of a binary approach, I’m either great at everything or terrible at it, look for the areas that need a little shining. Rely on your many strengths to help you shape up those weaknesses.
Treat yourself the way you treat others–with love, respect, and compassion
How mean are you to yourself compared to how you treat others? I would never say some of the things out loud to another human being that I so easily say to myself. Get over it! Be. Kind. To. Yourself. Please!!
If all else fails, curl up under a blanket and remember tomorrow is a new day
Somedays you just need to grab that chocolate peanut butter ice cream, a spoon, and a blanket, and give in. But, make sure those days are few and far between. You’re fantastic! You wouldn’t be doing what you do if it were otherwise.